I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
