I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
