oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
