I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
