It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
