I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
