my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I'm at about main and main street
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
