I'd wear matching sweaters with you
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
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