She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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