Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
