Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
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