your parents love me but you hate me
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
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