Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
