You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
