i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
My liver just broke up with me...
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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