so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
