YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
