it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
