She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
