so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
