Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
