Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
We talked him into tasing himself.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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