i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
