then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
