She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
