yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
