this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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