First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
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