plz talk dirty to me
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
