just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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