I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
