your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
