You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
