I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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