On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
birth control should be required to get into college
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
