you guys were way drunker than both of me
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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