I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
