I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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