I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
