I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
