I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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