god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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