Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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