dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
