how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
