I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
