If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize