The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
