Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
