It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
