Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
