If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
