I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
