A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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