I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
